You are currently browsing the monthly archive for January, 2008.
All I really remembered about the plane ride to Vancouver was getting aboard with my friends and eventually falling asleep. Apparently, that’s not all that happened.
When the storm hit the jet, shaking it from side to side, everyone who was sleeping came awake, and if they didn’t, the screaming woke them. I had apparently awoken with the others, and stared off into space. At least, that was how it appeared to Genevieve. What really happened was that I heard Mara’s voice calling to me, telling me what to do.
“Ethan, it’s Mara. Wake up Ethan, wake up,” came first, followed by “You have to get the others to snap out of their panic, get them to focus. Get their attention and then come to the front of the plane.”
I stood up as if in a trance, and walked to Jay. I know this sounds strange, but after I slapped him out of his panic, I thought words at him instead of talking, I told him to follow me. I walked on to the front of the plane, where Mara waited for me in the guise of a flight attendant.
As I stood before Mara in the aisle of our jet, she spoke to me. Her eyes were filled with love, and her very presence was comforting. My love smiled, touching my cheek.
“Ethan, you have to get off the plane. When you get to the cave, you have to follow the path into the mountain and out the other side. Remember that you have to keep going, no matter what. I love you.”
She helped me to exit through the doorway, leaping into the dark night, soaring for a moment like a bird on the hurricane winds that were blowing outside. For a moment I flew like my hero Superman, and then I fell to earth and all was black.
When I awoke, everyone else around me was sleeping. In my trance state, I walked through the cave they had found for shelter and passed by the luggage and slumbering forms of my friends. My feet led me down the stone pathway carved through the mountain rock, deep into the bowels of the world. It was pitch black, but the Spirit guided me. I felt myself splash into cold water, and simply swam across. I emerged on the other side, soaking wet, my clothes sticking to me and sagging heavily.
Without error, I found the path again, travelling down, down, down. A blaze of light eventually hit my face, but I walked through it unflinching, until I reached the egress before me and stepped out into the desert.
By the time I met Faith, her straight hair had grown out curlier and turned a deeper shade of red thanks to Mara’s angelic presence, while her brown eyes had turned to hazel. I had thought she had seemed familiar. I knew now that my magic summer had been spent with Mara, and felt a giddy thrill when I realized that she was my first kiss, my only true love.
I watched how she spent all summer entirely enamoured of me as well, lying in her bed daydreaming of our time together, walking around with a smile on her face and a distant look in her eyes. Whenever we were together, that smile brightened to give her a joyous glow, and she brought her passion for me to every encounter. No wonder I was so happy that summer, she poured out her love on me at every opportunity.
And I saw what pain it caused her when she realized that my heart was trapped in doubt and darkness; that I had to learn to love myself before I could ever love her back. Our time together grew short, and she understood why she had been given a six month deadline: she had to separate from me most painfully to give me the wake-up call that I needed to find myself instead of staying lost. God’s plan and her actions effectively put me on a path that would save my soul.
Mara wept greatly over the decision but knew that it was the right one, the only course of action. And then the summer ended, and she and Faith parted ways. Mara would fly in to check on the girl every once in awhile, and was happy to discover that her former vessel had felt called to return to church with her family, though Faith had entirely forgotten their mystical conversation from the winter before.
Life continued as before, with Mara watching over me through my early university career. And then came the airplane ride that changed our lives forever.
One of the greatest shocks was when I saw my summer with Faith. The visions revealed to me what presaged those events, and somehow I was unsurprised even as it had been entirely unexpected. Shocked that it happened, but even so, understanding it in the greater framework of the story of my life.
I saw a winter, the same time as my final year of high school. A girl appeared in the vision, a girl that I had never seen, yet who was strangely familiar. Her hair was a short, light red, and her eyes were brown. There were things about her that reminded me of someone, but who that was, exactly, eluded me for the moment.
I recognized her town, just a few kilometres from my own. Even though the vision was of a nighttime scene, I saw landmarks that were familiar. She was in a van, driving home from a party with friends. Coming down the other side of the road was a speeding car. The car swerved on black ice, spun off the side of another car and then ran straight into their van, sending them off the road to collide into nearby trees. The vehicle was full, some died instantly, some were gravely injured. One of them had the presence of mind to dial 911 on their cellular phone even as they went into unconsciousness.
I wondered how this had any relevance to me, and then I was startled to find my vision taking me to Heaven, where Gambiel and Raphael were gathered with several angels. It was tremendously thrilling, to be lifted up past the clouds into a realm of jewelled buildings and marble floors
“The Lord our God has required me to do a special task,” Raphael was explaining. “Jeremiah here will be the temporary supervisor of the cherubim and seraphim while I am away.”
“I have particular Watcher duties that require me to be away as well.” Gambiel said. ”This concerns me.”
“You can delegate most of those duties to the others…” Raphael began to suggest.
“Yes, but what about our ‘special case?’ I don’t know if we can leave that alone.” Gambiel said, attempting to be clandestine. I knew he meant Mara and me, and so did Raphael.
“My daughter is more than capable of taking care of it. She’s been handling that situation capably for nineteen years.”
“But never on her own.” Gambiel said.
“She does almost all of it on her own!” Raphael said emphatically. “We’ve had to intervene only twice. Ordinarily she works without any kind of supervision.”
“I know, but I feel uncomfortable not having one of us keeping on eye on the situation…”
“Mara can handle it. God trusted her with this mission, so I don’t think either of us needs to question that.”
With that, I was sent back to the earthly plane, having learned what I was supposed to know, apparently. For some period of time, she had Watcher duties in my life without anyone else watching over her shoulder. Just as I was speculating why this had anything to do with the car accident I had seen, I received an answer.
As soon as I fell asleep back home, Mara left my side for perhaps the first time in my life, and flew directly to the scene of the accident, where emergency crews had arrived in response to the 911 call. I don’t know how she knew about it, perhaps God communicated with her, perhaps she had a greater awareness of the world. What matters is that she knew, and went there.
Mara entered one of the ambulances, hovering over the red-haired girl. She was having a bad time of it, struggling to live. The paramedics were losing her. They got out those electric paddles from the crash cart to attempt to resuscitate her as her pulse flat-lined. At that moment, Mara descended upon her body, and entered it, the way I had seen demons possess my own body in my childhood. My “vision perspective” followed her into a physical representation of the spiritual plane she walked on as she entered the girl’s mind.
I heard the young woman’s thoughts, a panicked “I’m dying I’m dying I’m dying” and Mara’s sweet voice attempting to get her attention and soothe her. Gradually the litany stopped, and Mara could converse with the girl.
“Yes, you are dying. That is not the horrible thing most people make it out to be. Calm down, it’s going to be all right.” Mara told her. “I have a proposition for you.”
“Who are you?” The girl said in her mind, hearing a stranger in her thoughts. In my vision, it was visually represented by an image of the girl, shining brightly in the colour of the full moon, holding herself in fear. Mara was hovering around her in the same light, and the two of them were surrounded by darkness.
“I’m a friend. More specifically, I’m an angel.” Mara smiled. “I can save your life, if you want me to.”
“Why would you do that?”
“God sent me. You don’t want to die, correct?” Mara asked. “You’re not ready? If you want to live, I can heal you. There are only two conditions.”
“What are they?” The girl asked, curious.
“First of all, you seriously consider a lifestyle change. You haven’t been living like you believe in God.”
“Well, it’s not like I had any reason to believe before. I didn’t have angels showing up to tell me.” The girl said caustically.
“Well, you have now. It’s not like you have an excuse. I can’t make you have faith, but you could try. God would like that very much, He misses you.”
The girl seemed taken aback at these words. “God what?”
“He misses you.” Mara said, her voice tender. “God worries about everyone who turns from Him. It’s hard to see that the people you love don’t love you back.”
“God… loves me?” The girl’s voice grew quiet.
“I’m offering you a chance to reunite with that love. To live your life better the second time around. I will give you your life back, with the hope that you’ll spend your life trying to love God back. Not many people ever get such an opportunity. The only other condition I ask is that you let me borrow that life for six months, until September.”
“Borrow my life? If I give you six months, I get to live?” The girl asked.
“Yes.”
“I’ll do it.”
Mara descended upon the girl’s spiritual form, merging with it in a bright flash of light.
Back in the ambulance, the girl sucked in a deep breath and let out a great gasp of air, rising against the restraints on her gurney. The paramedics were stunned as she opened her eyes, for they had been certain they had lost her.
“Welcome back to the world, young lady.” One said, when he recovered from his shock. “Can you tell us your name, so we can contact your family?”
“I’m Faith Sheridan.”
I saw my birth, and, as one would expect, my parents were there in the hospital, with doctors and nurses overseeing the procedure. What surprised me was that I saw Raphael, his hair shorter and golden, with Gambiel and Mara. They floated above me, and I felt my heart sing when Mara floated down to the baby me. She had loved me since the beginning.
I saw Azazel appear, and the gifts. I began to understand my life, and how I had been conflicted between using my rational mind, trusting my heart, and seeing both what was good and evil in every situation. All my life I had been torn about how to choose, how to know what to do, and I understood that these three had been part of that struggle. Azazel had equipped me to feel a need to take evil actions, even if Raphael and Gambiel’s gifts had been working against that impulse. I always saw all paths of action, and often became indecisive about what to do as a child. Now I understood why.
I saw how the demons and angels influenced my life in big and small ways. They were involved in even the smallest details: my mother once told me a story to explain why I started liking Superman, a DC comic hero, when my father only read Marvel comics like the X-Men. She knew he liked comic books, so, when she picked wallpaper for my room as a baby, she bought a kind with superheroes. Unfortunately for my father, she picked the wrong company, and from the heroes on my wall, I picked Superman. In my visions, I saw that Mara had played a part in this, whispering into my mother’s ear unheard suggestions, and telling me as a child which books to pick up.
It made sense. When I took my archetypes class with Mr. Gould, I did my final paper on how Superman was a Christ figure: He came from the sky, saved lives, there’s even a series on his “death” where a character called Doomsday puts him in a coma, so the world thinks Superman died, and then he “resurrects.” My favourite comic was a painted series called “Kingdom Come,” a future story where Superman helps save the world. The entire series was painted, not drawn, and was based on scripture from the Revelation of St. John, making the Christian symbolism of Superman’s myth quite obvious.
All my life, agents of God had been influencing me to follow the Lord.
I saw Mara save me when I fell in the kitchen as a child, saw demons attempt to infest my mind and soul. They followed me like shadows all through my childhood, influencing my worst and most selfish decisions. I saw Mara struggle with her anger, anger towards Raguel and Heaven’s rules as well as rage against Azazel and his ilk. I saw my love suffer, and my heart went out to her.
I saw my whole life as if it was a film, and it was quite odd to be an audience to myself. I saw Mara encouraging me to begin the Camelot game, and she even influenced my selection of companions. I saw how demons could crawl inside a person, infesting their soul, leading them to do evil, as they caused my growing anger at the world. I saw one of the few times I had resorted to violence, a summer where I attacked a bully who had dared to approach Evie, and how that furious moment had been as much a demon’s puppetry as it was my own choice.
How do I explain this? Human beings have free will, the right to make choices, but my visions made it clear that the angelic and demonic influences of our life push us in both directions. A tug of war, with our souls the prize. When we choose to hear one side over the other, it’s like pushing in the same direction to help that side win. The demons don’t take away our choices, but encourage them. I don’t know if that makes any sense.
What I’m trying to say is that I was responsible for the choice to do evil, I hold myself accountable. However, the severity of the actions taken could be influenced by demonic presence. We are all responsible for ourselves, but at the same time forces pull at us. The task is to stay centred.
Perhaps the single most moving image I saw in that early montage of my life was when Mara came to the graveyard, rescuing me from the blizzard. As I had begun to suspect, it had been her all along and not Hope. I had given up, had resigned myself to death, and she called me back from the brink. Her voice alone inspired me to live, and I held on long enough for my mother to find me. She called my father and neighbours over, and they got me to the hospital. The whole ride, and all through my convalescence, Mara was there comforting me. I mistakenly attributed her loving attention to Hope upon awakening and discovering my friend at my bedside.
Mara had saved me, Mara had loved me my whole life. The tremendous love I felt for her back grew with every image, as I understood just how long she had been a part of my life, that she loved me even in my darkest moments. I found my faith and love for God growing as well, as the Lord had given us to each other, and loved us through everything as well. Silently I thanked Him even as I was drawn on to new visions.
My name is Ethan Keaton Pitney. I have been asked to record what I saw after I vanished from the sight of the Heavenly Host. I must warn you, however, that even now I cannot completely remember it all, nor understand it completely. So much has happened.
I escaped the wrath of the demon prince Azazel through prayer and the grace of God, whose angels descended from Heaven to rescue my love, Mara, and me. I was sent on while they did battle with an army of demons. I did not want to leave her, but I had no place in such a battle as I was without a weapon. And my destiny called me elsewhere.
I walked across a snowy plain, huddling in my cloak for warmth. My feet crunched in the snow, my breath steamed from my mouth. I pressed on despite the cold, for how long I do not know. I remember the stars winking into existence above me, spinning in their celestial dance as I strode across the tundra. The night seemed endless, as if I walked through time and space. Perhaps that seems like some addled rambling, but I had walked through a desert where seven years passed without me knowing. The realm I wandered through had different rules than the reality most people know.
I remember taking a class in university on the Torah, the first five books of the Hebrew Bible, and our professor told us that in English, when Moses saw the burning bush, it says he was at a mountain “west of the wilderness.” But our professor told us that in Hebrew, the words come closer to “behind the wilderness.” How do you go behind something like a desert? You can go behind a tree or a rock, but not an entire place like that. He thought perhaps it meant Moses wandered into a different plane of reality.
I don’t know about Moses, but I’m quite sure that I have.
The night grew dark, and the stars became difficult to see. I knew that this meant dawn was approaching, as “it’s always darkest before the dawn.” I quickened my pace, striding across the landscape. Something inside me was pushing me forward, as if I knew that I was getting closer.
For years I had been searching for a cross from a dream, a vision. I did not know why, only that it was necessary for something else to happen. I had been separated from my family and friends, exposed to myriad dangers, and survived them all through sheer tenacity. And now I sensed that the journey was nearing its completion.
I saw a light in the north, and broke into a run towards it. I felt my pulse quicken, the breath of my body tensing within me, pushing me forward. I flew across the snowy ground, my cloak flapping behind me. I was smiling, laughing, as I grew ever closer. I could see it now, the cross on the horizon, resting in a cluster of rocks, white light shining forth.
I fell to my knees before it, filled with an awe and reverence like nothing I had never experienced before. I have felt blessed by the Hand of God before, in times of prayer and at my baptism, but this was like that feeling doubled and redoubled. I prayed as I knelt, asking God for His blessing and guidance, so that I would know what to do from here, that I might be worthy of His trust in me.
I felt compelled to sit up, and did so, gazing into the pure white light emanating from the cross. My hands seemed to rise of their own accord, and I closed my hands around it. I felt a surge of energy, as if I had been struck by lightning, the air humming with force and it seemed like there were voices, a choir that shouted with joy for a moment before I was filled with sights and sounds that threatened to shake my sanity.
I felt myself filled with information, with vision and truth. I saw so much that even now I cannot comprehend it all, and only after reflection could I put pieces of impressions together as coherent wholes. I felt every cell in my body trembling with the force of the spiritual energy entering me from the cross, shaking me to my core. I held on for all I was worth, knowing that this was why I was here and that I had to take on as much as I could handle, that I had to let myself be vulnerable before God, allow Him to change me and transform me so that I could be His servant. It was like holding onto live wires, wrestling a thunderbolt, riding a storm.
I felt myself filled with light and sound, and then there was a blast of wind that blew me free from my kneeling position, throwing me into the air. I fell to the snow in a heap, and all was black. I do not know how long I lay there, for even after I regained consciousness, I lay still, trying to find myself amongst the visions running through my brain. For a time they prevented me from thinking, from having an identity of my own. I lay huddled in my cloak, gibbering like an infant, unable to move.
I held the cross in my arms, huddled against my chest like a security blanket or a teddy bear, a keepsake to protect me from the darkness. I could feel it warm against me, and I believe that it kept me from starving somehow, as if I was fed by its presence. I was comforted, soothed, healed. Gradually I came back to myself, the awareness that I was Ethan Keaton Pitney and I had work to do. But before I tell you of that, let me tell you what I saw.
The trumpet sounded. Though the demons had seemed loud, and though the battle between Mara and Azazel had seemed to shake the very ground, this sound pierced through the chaos with a tone that could be felt in your bones. The demons stopped short, shrieking as the heavens were opened in a blaze of light that turned several to dust simply from its intensity. Azazel was forced to cover his eyes, while Mara and Ethan looked upwards to see that hope had not abandoned them after all. The cavalry had arrived.
Michael and I struck first, barrelling into the demonic army like meteors, tearing through their lines with righteous fury. Right behind us came Gambiel and Jeremiah, engaging the enemy with no less fervour, joined by their brethren in the seraphim and cherubim a heartbeat later. Bright swords of Heaven clashed with the dark claws and teeth of Hell’s children, a tornado of war in the sky and on the ground.
Seeing that we were already turning the tide, I dove towards my daughter and her love, alighting beside them. I helped them both to their feet, smiling.
“It is good to see you both.” I grinned, embracing each in turn. Ethan was a little taken aback, never having been hugged by a nine-foot tall archangel before, but I think he still appreciated it. I then turned towards Azazel, my sword blazing with holy fire.
“Mara, send him on his way. We will hold things here, but Ethan has a job to do.” I told her over my shoulder, as Azazel bared his teeth at me in rage. We circled each other warily, preparing for a rematch that had been coming since the dawn of time.
“Yes Father.” I heard my daughter say, and I was aware of her kissing Ethan in my peripheral vision. Inwardly I smiled, happy for her, but outwardly I roared as I clashed with my demonic brother. Each strike of our blades together was like striking the earth with a comet, earthquakes and thunder were in every blow, lightning in our slashes. I felt his blows like some cosmic hammer striking my celestial anvil, as forces were unleashed that could crush planets.
In the midst of this chaos, as the angels of Heaven and the demons of Hell began one of the first great battles in our Last War, one tiny human life slipped through the lines to go on towards his destiny in God’s Plan. What happened to him next, however, is something even I don’t know. He passed from my sight, and the next chapter of his life is not mine for the telling.
Azazel roared a battle cry, raising his sword in challenge. Mara answered with a roar of her own, it carried with it all the pent-up hatred she had borne for him for all these years. The demons in the sky above screamed in a horrific dissonance of guttural and snarling voices, drowning out all sound as Azazel leapt forward to cross blades with the young angel before him. Despite the tremendous tumult of the demonic symphony above, the sound and fury of their duel resounded like thunder, and it seemed as if the very ground shook with each blow. With every second the demons above grew inevitably closer, descending upon them with terrifying speed.
Ethan, defenceless, a mortal man amongst supernatural powers, saw that his death approached, saw that Mara had little chance of survival, saw that the powers of darkness were arrayed to prevent them from ever achieving their destiny. He saw no course of action, save one. He knelt in the snow, clasping his hands together and he prayed. He prayed silently and with fervour, and felt the wind at his back push him to the ground. The wind came from countless demonic wings flapping up a storm as they descended like a whirlwind to tear him to pieces. Just as the front lines were a breath away from reaching him, just as Azazel knocked Mara to the earth with a grunt and prepared to deliver a killing blow, just as all hope seemed lost, Ethan uttered a single word, and in that word changed everything.
He said “Amen” and finished his prayer.
Mara quickly dispatched the last demon and lowered herself to the ground. Her wings folded up and she leaned down, embracing Ethan close.
“Hello my love.” She whispered, gently kissing his cheek and whispering into his ear. Ethan felt warm shivers ripple through his form.
“Hello my heart.” He said back. “I’m glad you showed up when you did.”
“I’m sorry it took so long. I was trying to clear your path of these slobbering morons, but there got to be more and more the higher up you got. You were very brave, my darling, but I saw that you needed me.”
“I’ll always need you.” He said simply, gazing into her eyes.
She kissed him suddenly, and urgently, her lips pressing hard against his, leaving him breathless. His fingers entwined themselves in her hair and they held each other close for an eternity, lost in each other’s arms. Ethan smiled sheepishly when they finally got around to breaking the kiss.
“Shall we continue on, then?” He tried to sound nonchalant.
“Yes, I suppose we shall.” Mara agreed, grinning at him.
Ethan led the way towards the fork in the road, taking blushing grins over his shoulder at his elegant angel as she followed close behind, her eyes following his every movement with an affectionate gaze. He reached back and took her hand in his, feeling the smoothness of her palm. He turned right at the fork.
“Why this way?” She asked.
“It’s pretty obvious that it’s the way to go.” He answered. “I mean come on, the left path? It has to be the “sinister” one; it’s broad and easy. This one is going to be a struggle and it’s narrow. In the Bible, to follow Christ is to take the narrow way, the way that seems hardest but leads in the best direction.”
“Smart boy.” She grinned, kissing him again, making his ears and cheeks turn red. “Though you will have to go the other way sooner or later.”
“I will?” He asked.
“You’ll see. My father will tell you.”
Ethan noticed that as they walked the weather got better, even if the way was rockier. The sky was clear and bright, the wind crisp but not biting. He knew it meant that the other path was the source of the cold, faith-killing wind. Though they had to pick their way over rocky protrusions, carefully scaling outcroppings and leaping over crevasses, he knew this path was safer for now.
“Why don’t you just fly?” Ethan asked Mara.
“You have to walk, so I do it too.” She said, as they pulled themselves up onto a ledge. “It’s my misguided sense of fair play.” Mara smiled. He kissed her hand and then they continued on.
Though at first the way was extremely difficult, after a while Ethan noticed that the mountain path began to slope downwards. They reached a plateau and Ethan looked out, beyond the mountain range. They had crossed through to the northern side, and the trail led down off the mountain onto a flat snowy plain. It sparkled in the sunlight brightly, and the sky was a gorgeous cobalt blue, cloudless and optimistic.
“It’s out there.” Mara said with an encouraging squeeze of his hand.
“What is?” He whispered, not daring to speak aloud the answer he already knew.
“Your destiny.”
They gradually made their way down the side of the mountain, nesting together in crevices and nooks in the rock, Mara keeping her pilgrim warm with her wings and long, tender embraces. She brought him food, and he got water by holding snow in his water bag against his chest. Ethan could not tell if the journey took days or week or years, for every moment with Mara was a joyous eternity, each day a new life. The pain and sorrow of all the years before seemed not even a memory, but a dream.
One day they reached the flat plain just as the sun was setting, the sky deepening to the colour of Mara’s eyes. Ethan looked to her and smiled, taking her hands in his. She tilted her neck, leaning down to him. She saw his eyes sparkling with love, the gratitude for her company through the mountains, for all she had ever done for him. His lips touched hers delicately, like a butterfly alighting on flower petals, soft as silk. She sighed with joy, never happier than she was with him, and the kiss grew speed. His hand went to her cheek as hers tangled in his hair. Just as the world around them was falling away, their loving moment was interrupted by applause.
“Oh, bravo. The two lovers united at last.” A voice said mockingly, its source clapping sarcastically, patronizingly. “What a charmingly romantic scene. Right out of a fairy tale. Or a cheesy movie.”
“You.” Mara growled, her voice dripping venom as she drew her sword, shining bright in the growing darkness. She and Ethan looked to the plain and saw the dark figure of Azazel, the demon lord who had tormented them throughout Ethan’s life. He saluted her, but it was not a sign of respect. Rather it communicated his deep revulsion for her and their love.
“Yes, me.” He grinned, drawing forth his own blade, a black and ugly thing. Ethan could sense this demon’s utter malevolence, far fouler than that of the creatures he had encountered thus far. He remembered Azazel from the day he met Michael and myself, and knew that his presence did not bode well for them.
“You shall not have him, Azazel.” Mara declared, gripping her sword with both hands and putting herself between Azazel and Ethan in a defensive stance.
“Even if you could stop me,” Azazel almost laughed, “You’d never be able to stop all of them.” He gestured, and Ethan looked back the way they had come. Over the westward mountains he saw black shadows pouring out over the sky like ink spilled over paper. Demons filled the air like locusts, blocking out the stars that had begun to appear overhead. It was an army, a massive horde, and Mara stood no chance alone against their numbers. Ethan and Mara stood side-by-side, ready to defend each other to the death, but both knew that the small island of light shining from Mara’s blade, and their love, was about to be engulfed in darkness.
Ethan crouched like a cornered animal, low to the ground as the demons swooped in on him, their voices a repulsive cacophony of roaring, screaming rage. His whole body was tense, like a coiled spring. As the first demon came at him, Ethan moved with uncanny swiftness to whirl his cloak around its face, and the snarling gargoyle had no choice but to fly blind and drag him in its wake as it soared upwards. It hauled itself up higher in the sky to keep itself from smashing into the mountain, and then it began struggling to escape the cloth around its face.
Ethan had a firm grip on the cloak, however, and was using all his strength to twist it tightly about the demon’s head. It let out a muffled growl as it lashed its head from side to side, and swooped through the sky in an attempt to dislodge its unwelcome passenger. Ethan gritted his teeth and held on, spinning from side to side as the monster flapped around in mid-air. The other demons howled in frustration, not knowing what to do as they watched their cohort flap around with Ethan on its back. Ethan hoped they wouldn’t decide their friend was expendable and attack anyway.
Blinded, the demon began flying erratically. They spun dangerously close to the nearby mountain face, and Ethan felt the bottoms of his feet drag across the rock. He had to run along it to keep his feet from harm. He kicked off the solid mass, propelling himself into the gargoyle. Ethan locked his arms around the demon’s neck and spun himself up onto its back, where he could use his weight on its wings to direct its path. He forced it lower, towards the ground, and at the same time caused it to curve back towards the mountain. He leapt off just in time to tumble into drifts of snow and crash the monster headlong into rocks with a strangled cry of pain and rage. One down.
He picked himself up from the snow, poised for the attack of the remainder. He knew he didn’t have a chance, but Ethan intended to go down fighting.
“Come on then.” He gestured at them with his hands to come closer, daring them to attack. He counted at least a score or more of the black monstrosities floating in the air, flapping their membranous bat-like wings. They gnashed their teeth and growled a challenge of their own as they dove towards him, creating a horribly loud sound that threatened to shatter his eardrums.
The horde of demons roared and rushed at Ethan, their dark wings blocking out the sunlight and covering him in shadow. He stood his ground, fists clenched, every muscle tense. They descended on him like a cloud of fury, their horrible maws gaping wide, their claws outstretched. As fast as a striking hawk, Ethan leapt into the air and tackled one of the winged creatures, slamming it forcefully backwards into another. The three of them crashed to the ground in a struggling pile while the rest wheeled around to join the fray.
Ethan kicked one fallen beast to the side, breaking its jaw as he got a stranglehold on the second. He struggled to evade its slashing claws, and delivered several quick blows with his elbow. The monster grunted in pain but continued to fight back. His compatriots were almost upon Ethan and he looked up at them, seeing death in their eyes. Just as he was certain of his impending doom, when the biting teeth of the lead demon were but inches from his face, a blinding light smote the centre of the demon pack and scattered them to every side.
Everywhere there were shrieks of pain and whirling bodies being flung from side to side to strike the mountainside. Ethan and the demon in his clutches watched with eyes wide, their mouths gaping, as the entire gaggle of dark creatures was thrown down. When it was all over, they saw Mara hovering in the air, her eyes ablaze with holy fire, her sword shining in her hand.
“Hi baby. Miss me?” She asked.
Ethan walked on, huddling in his cloak with the hood up as a harsh wind blew down from the mountaintops. It bit at the skin like hungry wolves, and howled in the heights of stone. He missed Mara, but he was used to journeying alone by now. He picked his way along the precarious path as it passed through rocky places, crevices and corners. The mountains grew ever higher, the path narrower, the air colder, but he persevered. Idly he wondered about the change in weather.
If this place was supposed to be a physical representation of a spiritual reality, and not the physical world he knew, then what could this represent? The desert was a major Biblical symbol, after all, with Israel’s journey from Egypt to the Promised Land being an obvious example. It was a place of testing. Spiritually, Mara had said people’s faith was drying up. That made sense, but what was the meaning of the winter cold now?
The desert is a place of dying, a place where things wither… He thought as he struggled through snowdrifts as high as his knees. The desert is a place where things struggle to grow… But if faith were strong, there would be more green growth. Gwen and Genevieve made things grow. He edged his way over a precipice, his hands holding to the mountain face, shivering in the cold air. Winter kills plants, the cold destroys life… I’m nearing a place that kills faith.
He heard a strange tone in the wind, like the howl had grown hungrier, and instinctively flung himself forward, narrowly escaping the claws of the demon that whistled overhead. Ethan scrambled to extricate himself from the pile of snow he landed in, and rushed up the path, staying close to the rocky face. He hoped to find a more defensible position, knowing that the creature was bound to return, perhaps with reinforcements. He heard it scream in anger, sounding worse than nails on a chalkboard combined with the dying keens of wounded animals. Ethan realized it was a call to arms when other voices answered from further away.
Having nowhere else to go, he rushed up the pathway, having difficulty as he had to struggle through drifts of snow and be sure of his footsteps on the uncertain high ledges. Ethan came to a particularly tight corner, where he was forced to keep only the tips of his toes on the edge of the path as he hugged the cliff-face and inched his way along, the cold rock grating against his cheek. The wind threatened at every step to blow him off the mountain, and he knew that if the demons arrived now he was an easy target. He strained to get over the curve of the rock, straining to find a handhold. He could not see further ahead, the wind carried too much snow and the outthrust cliff-face prevented him from seeing around it. Just as he had stretched his fingers out to their limit, while his legs were trembling as his toes barely kept him on the ledge, he found his grip on the rock-face and pulled himself around the curve with all the force he could muster.
At that same moment a demon rushed past, tearing with its claws. Had Ethan hesitated for only a moment the snarling beast would have torn through his spine, but the torque with which he had rotated around the rock had spun him out of harm’s way, and the vile monster only ripped through the edge of his flapping cloak. Ethan landed safely on the other side, where the path actually went through a crack in the mountain face, causing a small pass through. In this close-walled tunnel that stretched up to the sky, Ethan was safe from wind and demon. He caught his breath and walked on, hurrying along the narrow corridor through the rock.
He came out the other side and found the path wider, and the sky clear. On the other side it had been filled with angry clouds and wind, but here the sky was a startlingly clear blue that forced him to shade his eyes. Ethan found the air crisp, but not as dangerously, bitingly cold as before. The snow was packed down on the path and easy to walk. He almost strolled along, though his senses were all on guard, scanning for further demonic attacks. He came over a rolling rise in the path and beneath him saw that the path divided. On the left, it continued in a gradual easy slope with this same packed snow that was as easy to walk on as a sidewalk. It curved around a bend and went out of sight. The other fork, to the right, grew narrower and rocky once again, leading higher up the mountain face.
Ethan made his choice quickly and approached the two forking paths. As he reached the point where he would have to turn, a flock of screaming demons burst from over the mountaintop behind him, swirling down on outstretched wings with claws at the ready. They prepared to strike.
Whenever Ethan awoke in the morning, Mara was there waiting with a simple breakfast. Sometimes there was bread, or various fruits, and plenty of water. At some point in the day she would fly off, leaving him standing in wonderment at the display of her wings soaring in the sunlight, and then she would return with lunch or dinner: meats and cheeses, vegetables. It became a game, where she would tap him quickly on one shoulder and zip around to be on his opposite side when he turned around. They laughed a great deal as they travelled, revelling in each other’s company.
Ethan was surprised that he never felt the dreaded heat of the desert sun, so one day he experimented by stepping off the path. Immediately he could feel the scorching intensity of the air and sand, only to feel cool and soothing breezes as soon as he returned to their private highway. They would take rest breaks to cloud watch, and talk.
“What was life like in Heaven?” Ethan asked as they lay side by side.
“It was bright. Everything was shiny with jewels or gold. There were marble floors. Everything was scheduled: when to sing in the choirs of angels for God, when to deliver messages, when to watch humanity, when to study in the Library.”
“It sounds strict.” Ethan almost laughed.
“Not always. The Garden in the centre of the city was lovely, and peaceful. And God was wonderful.” Mara said.
“That’s all? Just wonderful?” Ethan teased.
“No, silly boy.” Mara grinned. “But it’s hard to explain. I just felt loved and I was happy. There was no where else I’d rather be.”
“That’s how I feel when I pray, or when I’m in church. Or when I’m with you.”
For that, Mara kissed him. Ethan hadn’t really expected it (and later she said she had been thinking about it for years) but when it happened, it felt like his whole soul had been waiting for it. Every cell in his body, the very fibre of his being, felt like it was filled with light. The warm love she exuded entered him, making him tingle all over.
She was looking down at him when he finally opened his eyes, resting her chin on her hand and her elbow in the grass. Mara was smiling like a Cheshire cat, quite pleased with herself. Ethan felt his head swim.
“What do you say to that?” She giggled.
“Can I have another?”
“If you insist.” Mara leaned in and blessed him with another loving kiss.
When the kiss finally ended, Ethan opened his eyes and smiled. Then his brow wrinkled with thought.
“That’s not the first time we kissed.”
Mara blushed. “We can’t talk about that yet. It’s not time.”
“Why not?” He said petulantly. “I have questions.”
“And they’ll be answered very soon.” She reassured him.
“They had better be.” Ethan said, pretending to pout. This inspired Mara to kiss him again, gently nibbling his stuck out bottom lip, eliciting a quiet yet pleased moan from Ethan.
Following this delightful time, they eventually got back on the road. After some unknown period Ethan spotted mountains in the distance. They were just a purple haze on the horizon, but he knew what it meant.
“We’re getting closer, aren’t we?” Ethan asked.
“Yes. Are you ready?”
“I think so. Yes.”
She took his hand in hers and gave him a reassuring squeeze. “I know so.”
The ground eventually sloped upwards, and then became low foothills. The path stayed sure, but the surrounding terrain became increasingly rocky and difficult. There was a crisp chill to the air now, and a biting wind even on the path. One morning Ethan woke to find that Mara had obtained a cloak for him, and wrapped it around him for warmth. They continued walking, taking no breaks now. Something inside Ethan was calling him forward; he knew that soon enough something was going to happen.
One day during their journey through the mountains, Mara pricked her head up, like a hunter smelling prey. Ethan was about to say something, ask what was wrong, but she held up her hand for silence. She moved her hand to her waist and drew a sword that moments before had been non-existent. Silently she moved beside him and pressed her lips against his ear.
“Keep going. I have things to deal with but I will see you soon.” Mara smiled, kissing his cheek before flying off, her wings sparkling in the sunlight.
Neal stood in the shower, letting the steamy water run through his hair and down his body. He swept his thick blond locks back from his face, tilting his head back in the water. Neal scrubbed, getting sand out of his hair and ears. The granules collected in a swirl around the drain, slowly being pulled down by the flow. He had his eyes closed, feeling the warm fingers of water on his skin, smiling to himself at the luxury.
He emerged from the bathroom in a borrowed bathrobe and walked to the guest-room he was sharing with Owen. His roomie was similarly dressed, looking out the window at the extensive gardens behind the house.
“Hey,” Neal nodded.
“Hey. I was thinking of getting some food, what do you think?”
“I’ll be down in a bit, sure.” Neal smiled, and Owen nodded, heading out the door. Neal walked to the same window, looking down at the big garden in the back, with a fantastic pool in the centre. He couldn’t get over how nice this place was.
There was a soft knock at the door. He turned towards it.
“Come in.”
Lamb opened the door a short way, peeking in.
“Everybody decent? I don’t want to intrude…”
“Oh, Mr. Lamb. Sure, sure, come in. I was just admiring your garden.”
“Ah, yes. Thank you. Neal, I was wondering if you had a moment?”
“Certainly, sir.”
“Neal, my lad, you seem to be the most mature of the group, am I right in assuming that you’re the oldest? Earlier you seemed to be the spokesperson.”
Neal blushed a little and grinned. “I guess. I’m a few months older than Owen, the two of us are the oldest. It wasn’t intentional, but I’ve kind of been in charge since the plane. It’s not like there was an election or anything.”
“Oh, no, no, there wouldn’t be. You come across as a natural leader. They want to follow you, Neal. I feel fairly certain that they’d rely on your opinion, seek your advice, regardless of any elected position.”
Neal felt his spine straighten. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s kind of always been like that with us. I just never thought about it.”
“Well, I noticed right away. Because of it, I thought that I’d ask you something. The press is going to want to meet all of you, once they find out you’re alive. It’s a bit of a miracle that you survived.”
“The press? Really?”
“Well sure! The hurricane was big news, and the eight of you coming back will no doubt cause a stir. But I think it’s something we can manage ourselves, if we try. How would you feel about organizing a press conference? That way it can be done and over with, on your terms, instead of a feeding frenzy of reporters and photographers later.”
“A press conference? I’ve never done anything like that.”
“You just listen to their questions, and give thoughtful responses. It never hurts to tell a few jokes, or appeal for sympathy. Win the crowd over. Viewers like to see human beings dealing with adversity with strength and vulnerability at once.”
Neal’s brow furrowed with thought. “A balance, right? Like, showing that it was hard, but that you’re dealing with it.”
“Exactly.”
“I think I get the concept, but I’m not sure about meeting so many reporters and answering questions so soon.”
“Don’t worry,” Lamb smiled, “I’ll teach you.”
They walked in silent contentment for a long time; Ethan occasionally taking bewildered glances at his angelic companion. He felt like he knew her, had always known her, but at the same time every time he looked at her, Ethan felt like he was seeing for the first time. Not just seeing her, but seeing at all, as if she made the world new around him by her presence. Each moment was like being recreated, born again.
Before following the path, she had given him soap so that he could take a proper bath in the pond. He felt himself blushing as he cleansed himself, knowing that she was standing only a few yards away with her back to him for propriety’s sake. She blushed and smiled to herself, knowing that she had seen him every day of his life and that there were no surprises for her. Nonetheless, she couldn’t help peeking over her shoulder.
After his makeshift bath, Mara gave him new clothes, light coloured for the desert. She shaved him, holding him in her lap to use a razor, stroking away years of beard growth and trimming his hair. Her soft fingers played over his smooth cheeks and he looked up at her with a grin, his eyes sparkling.
Now they were walking on the green carpet, soft as moss beneath their feet. It was a comfort for Ethan after years walking over sand and stone. His new light boots were a luxury after going barefoot so long. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so good.
At night they slept together on the green sward, Mara putting an arm over him as they spooned, her wings unfurling like a blanket overtop them. He nestled in and slept without dreams for the first time in years, and she slept for the first time in her whole life, feeling more at peace in that one night than in all her years in Heaven. She awoke before him, and smiled as he opened his eyes, looking at her with wonder and love.
“I love you,” they both whispered.
They walked all day, hardly speaking. Ethan was basking in Mara’s presence, at a loss for words, while she was simply happy to be present to him now. She had seen his whole life and did not need to discuss it, had no need of anything but him. Eventually however, the loquacious young man found his voice again.
“I feel like I’ve always known you.” Ethan said.
“You have. I was always with you.” Mara smiled.
He blushed. “I mean, it’s like I always knew that. On some level, anyway. All the things I searched for, all the places I looked for love… I was looking for you.”
“And now you’ve found me.”
“It’s silly. Every Hallmark card in existence suddenly makes sense to me, and before I just thought they were lame.”
Mara smiled. “They’re still overly sentimental, it’s just that you’re still in shock. My beauty has that effect.”
He caught her playful smirk. “I didn’t know angels were allowed a sense of humour.”
“Well, I’m not your typical angel.”
The path they were following turned north, and they continued to walk. It was so odd to see deathly scorching sand on either side, and yet be walking on plush green grass and flowers. Ethan looked up at Mara.
“Where does the path come from?”
“God,” she said, as if it should be obvious. “We’re following a path of faith.”
“What do you mean?”
She waved her hand to encompass the wilderness around them. “This place is not the ‘real’ world. Think of it as a physical representation of spiritual and symbolic realities. The world you know has a faith that is dying, like this desert here. Sometimes there are deep wellsprings of faith, like the pool we left yesterday. Now, we follow in the footsteps of faithful people.”
“Who?”
“Your sisters. They’re travelling from your home northwards, but they will soon turn into the west.”
Ethan blinked. “That’s not possible. I started in the west, in British Columbia. And I walked west. Gwen was in Ontario, that’s east. How are they ahead of me?”
Mara laughed. “I told you this isn’t the physical world. Distances are not the same here. You’ve walked for as long as your journey needed to be. That doesn’t necessarily mean you were going anywhere.”
Ethan scratched his head, trying to wrap his brain around the idea. They walked on. Whether they walked for hours or days Ethan could not tell, every moment with Mara seemed fresh, as if past and future no longer mattered.
“You were always with me?”
“Always.” She smiled warmly, as if proud of the fact.
“Why couldn’t you show yourself until now?”
She almost frowned for the first time, looking up for a scant instant. “I wasn’t allowed. Gambiel or my father Raphael always took visitation duties, except food deliveries while you were sleeping. Somebody upstairs decided it was best to prevent us from building too much rapport.” Her voice held a twinge of bitterness.
“But you’re here now.”
“Yes.” Mara smiled again. “Happily so. There’s a lot going on in the world, everyone else was busy so God finally sent me. Plus, I pulled a few strings.”
“Raphael’s your father?”
“Yes.”
“I like him.” Ethan said.
“Me too.”
“Want to know a secret?” Ethan asked.
“What’s that?” Mara responded.
“I love you.”
He beheld the single most gloriously beautiful vision of his entire life. Standing before him was an angel, her graceful arm holding out a water-skin. At least seven feet tall, her skin was like alabaster, her limbs elegantly shaped and smooth; warmth and comfort emanated from her body in waves. Golden light shone through her auburn hair, and her eyes were a deep violet, the shade of an evening sky before the day gave over to night. Her wings were tucked back behind her body, but he could still make out their white colour, like a dove, and he guessed they were as soft as a cloud. Ethan felt breathless before her.
“I’m happy to see you, too.” She smiled, and Ethan felt the wind rush back into his lungs. Moreover, he was filled with a bright and sudden joy. He had never felt so alive, so excited and yet so at peace.
The angel stepped forward and placed the water-skin into his hand, her fingers delicate on his. He shivered with pleasure at that simple touch, unable to speak, unable to move. He simply gazed, captivated by her eyes. Dimly, Ethan was aware of his heart in his chest, pounding out a beat, the blood in his veins, his body, but these were distant things. Nothing mattered save her.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” She asked teasingly.
“I love you.” He whispered.
She smiled, and though Ethan had believed himself happier than it was possible to be, he immediately felt the emotions within him intensify. It was staggering. He trembled as her long fingers carefully caressed his face and she leaned down to kiss his forehead. Her fingers ran through his dishevelled hair tenderly.
“I love you more.” She giggled, and he felt himself melt. “My noble pilgrim. My Ethan.”
“Mmmmm…” He murmured, lost in the bliss her mere presence caused. “mmmMara. Mara! That’s your name.” He said, excited by the realization. “How do I know that?”
“This isn’t the first time we’ve met, silly.” Mara smiled. “You’ll remember when it’s time. For now, we have somewhere to go.” She gestured at the path before them. “Shall we?”
“You’re coming with me?” Ethan said, his voice filled with hope and joy.
“I always do.”
Ethan awoke on the opposite side of the pond. His hawk was gone, or returned within him, depending upon how you looked at it. He found himself dressed in the ragtag garments that had appeared in his visitation to Gwen, as if somehow someone had known he wouldn’t want to be naked while talking with his sister and therefore provided clothes. After ages in the desert having food delivered to him every morning, this was not so astonishing. No, he was amazed at something else.
“Years! I’ve been gone for years! Everything has changed…” He muttered to himself under his breath. He had known that he had been wandering for a long time, but he had no idea that so much time had passed. “And all this time, that thing has been taking my place…”
He thought over the things he had seen: his friends living in a dark tower, surrounded by wealth; his sisters reuniting at the family farm; a world beset by destruction, poverty, disease and fear… Ethan discovered he had more questions than answers after his spiritual journey. He knelt on the ground and did the only thing he could think of to find guidance. He prayed.
“Gracious Father God, you have provided for me in this wilderness for years. I trust to Your will, that You are guiding me. I do not know where I am going, the path I should take. Show me the path, Lord. Help me find my way. I ask that, wherever You are leading me, You help my friends. I wish that I could go back to them, warn them… but I trust in Your plan for me. Help me serve You, Lord. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
When he opened his eyes, Ethan noticed that there were plants growing around the pond, the first green things he had seen in this desolate place. In fact tiny desert flowers and small leafy plants were sprouting up before his eyes, forming a trail that was slowly moving eastward. It was like someone was rolling out the red carpet for him to follow, save that it was green. He stood in wonder, watching life spring up where there had been none before. Ethan moved to follow and then realized he had none of his gear. Though there was life now, this was still the desert, and he had no water supply. He stared at the pond for a long time, trying to think of a way to carry some of its life-giving liquid with him. Ethan scratched his head in consternation.
“You’re cute when you’re bewildered, you know,” a melodious voice said with a chuckle. Ethan whirled towards the source of the voice, his nerves on end. Once again he had been unaware of an approach, and his adrenalin level spiked. His body naturally geared itself for its instinctive fight-or-flight response as his muscles tensed for attack or defence. As his eyes drank in the sight before him, however, his body immediately began to experience a different response. His heart soared in a way he could never have imagined, and for one of the few times in his life, Ethan Keaton Pitney was struck completely speechless.
It was difficult to convince him.
“I don’t believe it! That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. I refuse to entertain the idea that we could be so easily deceived for seven years! Evil twins are straight out of soap operas, not real life!” Alex stormed, pacing around and hurling words at us.
Genevieve and I sat down on a nearby rock just off the path, patiently waiting for him to finish his tirade. I felt a little squeamish about it, embarrassed by his yelling, but I wondered why my sister was putting up with it. If we were in a partnership with this man now, it was off to a bad start. If he couldn’t trust us on this one point, why should he count on us for other things? And how could we rely on him?
“You’re asking me to believe that one of my best friends isn’t even who I’ve known him to be for years, that someone I trust is really an impostor…” He continued, his voice beginning to grow hoarse.
“Stop.” Genevieve said simply, and quietly. Her eyes locked with his, and Alexander stopped as if she had been the one yelling at him. The insistent determination he saw in her eyes and heard in her voice struck him as a physical blow. He froze in the middle of the pathway, almost breathless from his tantrum.
Genevieve slid off the rock and walked up to him slowly, until she was standing so close she was bare inches away from his face as she looked up at him. Alex was taller than Ethan, so Genevieve came up to his chin. Nonetheless, for the moment it seemed as if she towered over him, as she stood with resolve and he stood like a scolded child.
“I don’t deserve to be yelled at,” she began, and she put a finger over Alex’s mouth when he seemed about to voice a protest. “I know it sounds impossible. But Gwen saw Ethan, and he warned her. I believe my sister. In a day and age when the stars are falling from the sky, when Jason can heal with a touch, when we’ve all had visions… To not believe her seems ridiculous.”
They stood for a long time, Genevieve staring into Alex’s dark eyes. It seemed like she was almost daring him to question her resolution. To challenge her will.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered after a tense moment, looking embarrassed. “I had no right to question your integrity. I just felt foolish… to think that he’s been manipulating us for so long…”
“I know. I know.” She put her hand on his cheek. “You and Neal always had too much pride for your own good, refusing to admit that you could be wrong. But I knew you’d come around. I had faith in you. But from now on, show some faith in us.”
He blushed sheepishly. “You can understand how difficult it was to believe? No evidence but a vision…”
“That’s what faith is. Believing when you’re uncertain. It’s the only way to go, by trusting. And there was evidence! I told Neal a long time ago that this evil Ethan was left-handed and violent, but no one listened.” Eve insisted.
“Well, I’m listening now.”
The journey was long and harsh. Our braids flying in the wind as we rode in the moonlight, we seemed to me to be like two silver arrows soaring ever closer to their target. We would only make stops in small towns off the main roads, out of the way places that might well remember strangers passing through but which would never recognize Eve as the Lady of the Citadel. Especially as road worn as she was, covered in dusty clothes and wearing muddy boots. Keeping to the smallest paths, the quietest areas, we gradually drew closer to the city she had left behind. I thought I had known how to ride a horse before we left, but by now I was an expert.
We crossed the mountains by day, not trusting the high paths at night. Sometimes storms kept us from the journey, huddling together for warmth in tiny nooks or caves within the mountain face. We lived off berries and meagre supplies purchased from small farms or lonely hermits. It was hard going, as we led the horses more than we rode them, and I had resigned myself to plodding along the precarious trails step by step. So I almost didn’t notice when we finally came in view of the Citadel, for I was watching my feet. We went over a crest, and then Genevieve put out her hand to stop me from walking further.
“Look.” She said.
I raised my eyes and saw the sun setting on the horizon beneath us, setting the sky ablaze with orange and red light over the ocean. Nestled in the coastlands beneath us I saw the city dominated by the sharp spike of the Citadel blackly silhouetted against the sun-painted sky. It seemed as if the city dwelt in the massive structure’s shadow. I felt a shiver run through me at the sight of that black spire, knowing the corruption that lurked within its heart.
“You want us to go into that place?” I asked, a tremor in my voice.
“I never looked at it from this vantage point before.” Eve said. “I never realized how frightening it could seem. We’ve made ourselves their kings and queens, and acted like we deserved to lord it over them. How could I have been so blind to the way evil wormed its way into our lives?”
“I’m scared, Eve,” I whispered, too afraid to move. I could not tear my eyes away from that tower, as it hulked over the surrounding countryside, brooding in its monolithic size as it ruled over the land. It seemed like some brutish horror waiting to crush ants under its feet, waiting to gobble us up.
“We can do this, Gwen,” Genevieve said, taking my hand. “I don’t know how, but I know that we have to. We’ll go in and find the truth, and fight evil.”
I shook my hand from hers. “You make it sound so easy, but how can we do that?” I demanded. “I’m a child, and you’re a woman, and they are seven men in charge of an army! We’re going to die!”
I all but screamed, my voice echoing off the mountains. My words came back to me and I found myself ashamed by my fear, but that didn’t make my words any less true. We had a snowball’s chance in Hell, from our current perspective looking down on that black edifice. To walk through that city, into the lion’s den, and hope that we could make things right… It seemed like madness.
Genevieve took hold of my face in her hands, carefully but forcefully, and made me look at her. Her eyes were filled with resolve. “Listen to me, Gwen. We will go in and make things right. We have to. Because it’s what Ethan would do.”
She took my hand in hers and we walked down the slope towards the city below.
We were intercepted by a patrol not ten minutes later. As I saw their horses bearing down on us, I screamed and leaped into the nearest bush. It was a futile gesture, I knew that they had seen me, but I wasn’t quite thinking clearly. I covered my head with my hands and shivered in terror, expecting certain death.
A moment passed, and then another. I wondered why everything was so quiet, so I peeked my head out above the leaves of the bush surrounding me. I saw one rider dismounting and stepping towards Eve, who stood in the middle of the path as if she were just out for an early morning stroll.
“Eve?” The man said, coming closer. His voice was almost joyous. He had dark hair and a short beard on his chin, with warm brown eyes and a nice smile. He certainly didn’t look like he was going to kill us.
“Hello, Alexander.” Genevieve smiled. Though her face showed a warm welcome, I could see two things in her eyes: a mixture of suspicion and hope. “It’s been awhile.”
He laughed. “Months! I didn’t know you were due back. Return early, did you? And who’s the little urchin hiding in the bushes?”
“That’s my sister, Gwen. Do you remember her?” Eve smiled, gesturing for me to come out. “She’s easily frightened. Stories of bandits on the roads led her to act without thinking, you know how children are.”
I crept up behind her, holding her hand for reassurance. I bristled when she called me a child, after weeks of being treated as an equal, but I understood that she was trying to make my panicked reaction seem ordinary. No one needed to know of our suspicions.
“Where is your escort?” Alexander questioned. “If they’ve been derelict in their duties…”
“Oh, no, nothing like that. As we approached the city I relieved them. This far from the Fringe I guessed that we had no need of their protection. I just wanted some time alone with my sister before going back into my duties at the Citadel.” Genevieve said reassuringly.
Alexander glowered a little. “That’s not the safest of plans, Eve.” He looked over his shoulder at his men. “Lieutenant, take the patrol up to the North Ridge, I’ll meet you there shortly.”
They saluted and rode off, leaving us with the handsome lord and his horse. I felt some of my fear leave me, as the sight of the soldiers and their weapons had put a lump in my throat. I still didn’t know if we were safe, but the odds had improved.
“Genevieve, I don’t know how to tell you, but things around here are not as safe as they once were. Leaving your soldiers behind was not the wisest decision.” Alexander said once they were out of sight.
“What do you mean, Alex?” She asked, hearing something like fear in his voice. Fear not just for her safety, but for something else as well.
“Owen and Daniel are dead.” He told her matter-of-factly. “We believe by the same person, someone who could strike from within the Citadel itself.”
Genevieve squeezed my hand tightly, but remained composed. I knew that inwardly she was in turmoil, but she gave Alex no outward show of that fact.
“Dead? Owen, and Dan?” She said, “From within the Citadel…”
“Yes. That means that, at the very least, some of the troops are not to be trusted. I have gathered some that are loyal to me, but I still didn’t feel safe discussing this in front of them. That’s why I sent them on. Because there’s more.”
“More?” I asked, the first thing I had said since the riders had approached.
“Yes, more. Investigations revealed that Daniel had been kidnapping women and murdering them. It’s possible that he and Owen were involved with a smuggling operation. We believe that’s how Dan funded his guards and kept them silent about his proclivities.”
I felt Eve shiver with disgust. There was obviously more to the story, something Alex didn’t want to say in front of me, and I knew it couldn’t be good. For my sister and myself it certainly confirmed our fears that the heart of the Citadel was rotting.
“What does Neal think?” Genevieve asked him.
Alexander stared at the ground, his brow wrinkled in consternation. “I don’t know. He had us cover up Daniel’s death, making it look like he died out on a patrol instead of within the Citadel. In the weeks since then I’ve been too busy gathering my forces from within the army and in the local towns, seeing whom I can rally to my cause. I’ve been working quietly, subtly moving so that I’m sure that no one is part of the conspiracy that Daniel and Owen were involved with.”
“What do you mean ‘my forces?’ That sounds like you’re planning a civil war,” I said quietly, pressing myself against Eve for comfort. She put an arm around me.
“She has a point, Alex. It sounds like you’re working without Neal’s sanction. What’s going on?”
He ran a gloved hand through his hair, obviously frustrated. “I don’t know if I can trust him. He worked with Owen every day, gave Daniel command of the army… He either knew and approved, or somehow turned a blind eye…” It was clear that Alex hated to think it, but also that he saw no other conclusions.
“I don’t want to believe my cousin is behind the evil in our city, but I have to prepare to fight against it nonetheless. No matter who started it, I have to be ready to fight back,” Alex said, imploring Genevieve with his eyes. He was getting choked up. “Please Evie, you have to understand. I love Neal, but if he’s killing people, I can’t let that happen…”
“I understand, Alex. What’s more, I’m here to help.” Genevieve said. She let go of me and moved to embrace him. Alex actually wept as he realized what she’d said. He was no longer alone in his struggle. They held each other tightly for a moment before anyone spoke again.
“We’ll have to go back into the Citadel, lull them into a false sense of security about us,” Alex said finally, wiping away a tear. “We can better determine from within who might be involved…”
“I agree,” Evie said. “There’s only one problem.”
“What’s that?”
“Ethan.”
We went east at first, and then north. Genevieve’s hope was that, should her escorts follow our trail, they would be convinced we were running away from the Citadel and not towards it. For days we hid in abandoned barns or in old rotting shacks, sleeping during the day and riding hard at night. I was amazed at how different the world had become: while I had heard stories, I had never seen how vastly altered the lands beyond our town had become. We had lost electricity years before, but otherwise our little village had gone on the way it always had. I still went to school and the farms still ran. For some reason our corner of the world had remained untouched, but only a day’s ride away, everything seemed like it came straight out of the Dark Ages.
I saw children wearing ragtag clothing, working on crops. I saw half-starved herds of cattle and horses, run down buildings, ghost towns. In only a handful of years, whole villages had been overgrown with weeds. The pavement of major highways had been cracked to rubble by the growth of plants, as if Nature were crashing through the walls our society had built to take back territory stolen from it.
Genevieve would ride us as far and as hard as she could before letting us rest. I don’t know how she kept us at such a brutal pace, after so much hard riding in the weeks before. Perhaps desperation drew her on. She would barely have the strength to get out of the saddle whenever we stopped, and I would hurry to her side, helping her to walk to a safe place to rest. To prevent her long hair from getting too dirty I braided it, and I had to force her to eat and drink. It seemed as if she was giving up on herself as her fear took hold of her. I took to sleeping beside her, to offer comfort when she inevitably began crying when she should have been sleeping.
Evie would never speak of it. As we rode under the stars and moon, there was no time for talk, and when we rested we were too exhausted to hold conversations. I knew she was struggling with her suspicions about her companions in the West, that her heart was breaking, but getting her to say so was impossible.
One night we stopped early beside a stream in a copse of trees. My horse had thrown a shoe, and we had a brief respite from our arduous ride. We sat together on a rock, and I hugged her tight. Eve rested her head atop mine, as I just fit into her shoulder.
“I’m sorry about all this.” She said, “I don’t want to bring you into danger, but I couldn’t leave you there. And to tell you the truth, I couldn’t go alone. I’d be alone against the world, and I… just… can’t…”
My sister began to cry again, but just as I moved to hug her tighter she regained her composure.
“No more tears.” She resolved. “There is hard work ahead, and we have to be strong.”
“What exactly are we going to do?” I asked, wondering if she had a plan. “I mean, you don’t trust them, so why are we going back to the Citadel?”
“This may sound crazy,” Evie offered, “But I think we have to walk right into that nest of vipers to find out who we can trust. We cannot fight an army by ourselves, that’s for certain. We’ll need to gain allies, build resistance, fight back. And we have to get Zoë out of there, she doesn’t know what’s going on.”
“There’s going to be fighting?” I asked.
“There’s going to be a war.” Genevieve said flatly.
Have you ever stood on the edge of a precipice and looked over? Have you felt that tightening in your chest, that swirling vertigo that comes at great heights? I felt my life teeter on a brink like that the day I had the vision of my brother, and in the time that followed I was swept over the edge.
I told Evie of my quasi-mystical experience, my vaporous encounter with our sibling, and she fell back in the grass dumbfounded. There was a look on her face, a “how could I not have known?” kind of stupefaction. After that moment of realization, her eyes and voice filled with terror.
“I’ve known something was wrong in the world for a long time. I mean, visions of the future, destructive meteor showers, faith healings, it becomes pretty obvious after awhile that reality is no longer exactly normal anymore,” she said, almost to herself in something of a mocking tone. “I could never have guessed that someone had replaced Ethan, but somehow it makes sense, when you look at it in retrospect.”
I was frightened just listening to her. She was talking in this absurdly calm voice, with a faraway look in her eyes that seemed like the precursor to panic. Genevieve was in fact starting to develop the shakes, so I hugged her tight, attempting to soothe her jangled nerves.
She pushed me aside almost perfunctorily and stood up. “We have to warn them.” Eve moved insistently towards her horse, and I feared that she was about to leave me once again. I grabbed hold of her arms and forced her to look at me.
“Evie, you can’t leave yet!” I maintained, “Your horse is exhausted, you look like you’ve missed days of sleep…” I saw her men approaching on horseback through the mists, “And your escorts deserve rest from the wearying road. Please stay, at least one night.”
Gradually her trance-like stare faded and she looked at me. “Oh, Gwennie! I’m so sorry,” my sister hugged me tight, “Things are just changing so fast. This is just one more thing I have to tell Neal, and there was already so much.”
“What else has happened?” I asked, disconcerted.
“Let’s go inside, I’ll tell you.”
Genevieve gave directions to her men to stable the horses. Eve slumped back exhausted in the couch, and I could see the toil of the journey in her tired expression. I brought her a cup of tea and sat close, waiting patiently for her story to begin.
“We rode for days,” She said after a few long sips of her hot drink, “Weeks. The Fringe and the Outlands were unwelcoming. We came across an ambush site, found the only survivor. She had lost her entire family, and told me that men dressed like mine had done the deed. I considered the idea that perhaps she was mistaken, or perhaps raiders had appropriated uniforms from corpses. But it explained the hostility in every town, and the rumours I started hearing in taverns between here and there. Kidnappings, thefts, murders, carried out by our soldiers in places far from our leadership. There was… is corruption in our army. We cannot trust anyone.”
She stopped at this last sentence, as if considering her words. “Anyone.” Eve mouthed, blinking. I stared at her in silence, wondering what was running through her head. I took her hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze.
“Eve?” I said, my voice questioning.
“We have to leave tomorrow.” She said, her voice sure as her eyes locked with mine in a steely gaze. “Find us food and water, enough to last two people at least a few days. We’ll leave before dawn, while the others are asleep.”
“What?” I questioned. She covered my mouth with her hand and whispered softly into my ear.
“Our own army cannot be trusted. I don’t know if even these men are safe. The Citadel itself may be compromised. There’s a stranger wearing Ethan’s face, and Neal, Alex and Daniel knew the army best, so it’s possible even they may not be trustworthy. The only person I can count on is you, Gwen, and I won’t leave you here with these soldiers when I don’t know if you’d be safe.”
As my eldest sister spoke, I felt the hair at the nape of my neck stand on end as shivers of fear ran through my body. Genevieve suspected her own husband of potentially being a murdering thief, if I understood her correctly, and that was not something she would say lightly.
“So you believe me about Ethan?” I asked tentatively.
“Of course I do! We live in such strange times that it’s hard not to accept something so bizarre, and it explains the strangeness in his behaviour. Remember how he wrote of the dark one? The tiger? What if somehow, I don’t know, it had come to life?”
“That’s like the Dark Half.” I breathed; feeling more shivers on my skin.
“What?” My sister asked.
“It’s a book, by Stephen King, here in the house. A writer creates a pseudonym and even writes its history, and in the book he buries it in a fake funeral so he can write books under his own name. Because Stephen King has such an odd imagination, somehow a doppelganger is born out of that grave, and it stalks the author throughout the entire novel.”
“This isn’t a book, Gwennie.” Eve shook her head, unable to see how my thought was relevant.
“Ethan read that story, he must have. It was lying somewhere in the recesses of his mind, and something happened to make it take shape…” I trailed off, unable to articulate how such a fantastical thing could have occurred. I began to sound foolish even to myself. “Um, never mind. I’ve just spent too much time reading is all.”
Genevieve shook it off. “Then let’s get busy collecting supplies and packing. We’ll go to bed early and get a fresh start.”
We spent the day hiding food and gear in the barn with the horses, which needed to be rubbed down and fed. My parents had gone to visit a neighbour’s farm, so we did not have anyone asking any questions about our behaviour. Genevieve’s escorts had fallen asleep early, worn out by her harried ride across the continent. She, however, was possessed of an almost manic intensity as we carried out our tasks. Eventually we collapsed in the large bed in my room, so we would not be separated in the night. I fell asleep easily, drained from our exertions.
In the middle of the night however, I awoke to the sound of my sister’s sobbing. She had put up a bold front all day, but I knew that she had finally let the realization sink in that her closest friends and her husband might well be monsters hiding behind the church they had built. I hugged her tight, holding her as she faced a long night of fear and mourning, her body wracked with tremors and her eyes red with tears.
Alex woke with a start. He looked around the Hall of Elders, as he had fallen asleep in a chair with his arms folded on the table, his head cradled in them like a child. It was early morning, evidenced by the sunlight that was just beginning to seep into the room from the balcony. Alexander had not been able to sleep after the discovery of Daniel’s body, and had wandered the passageways of the Citadel until sitting down in the Hall to cry. He had difficulty believing that Daniel had been keeping his lusts from them for so long. He himself had spent weeks on the road with Dan, never suspecting.
Or had they suspected? Had the signs really always been there? He had seen Daniel’s ability to flirt. Shying away from such thoughts had contributed to his restlessness. It had been an awful night. He had only fallen asleep after crying himself into exhaustion. First Owen, and now Daniel… it seemed like this Reza had marked them for death, and had proven he could strike at them even within the safe walls of the Citadel. Alex knew that Neal would want him to send out the soldiers to begin a search for the killer.
He wondered why he had awakened. The air was still and quiet, no one was up in this part of the building yet, and he himself had been beyond tired. Just as he was trying to decide whether he should just put his head back down or make the effort to walk back to his rooms, Alex felt a hand rest on his shoulder. Alex burst out of his chair, feeling lightning bolts of fear-induced energy coursing through his body.
“SHIT, ETHAN!” He gasped as he saw his friend. “You just took years off my life.”
Ethan stood there quietly, and gave a wry smile. “Sorry, Alexander. I didn’t mean to disturb you, but I felt we should talk.”
Alex put his hand over his heart, feeling it beating like a jackrabbit’s, and rested his other hand on the back of a nearby chair for balance as he caught his breath. Ethan stood patiently, his hands behind his back. Alexander remembered a time when Ethan had been awkward and clumsy, and now the young man stood with confidence and yet at ease as well. It was remarkable how the years could change a person.
“What did you want to talk about?”
Ethan gestured at the chairs, inviting Alex to sit. They both settled into their seats, and Ethan rested his hands on the wooden surface of the table, pausing as if he was thinking of the best way to start.
“You saw my report to Neal… It was awful, how Daniel died, but we would most certainly have had to do something about his crimes ourselves sooner or later.”
“You’ve already heard?” Alex asked. Neal had dealt with the bodies himself, not notifying guards or housekeepers, intent on performing an act of penitence for not having been aware of their friend’s behaviour. Alex had thought that perhaps no one else knew about the previous night’s events yet.
“Neal spoke to Simon and myself late last night. He wanted our advice. We all think it best that we not reveal Daniel’s part in the recent kidnappings; the scandal for our cause might be too much for the people. Neal has decided that we immediately send out a patrol with you leading it, and tell people when you come back that Daniel was with you and died defending our citizens from raiders. These troubled times do not need more upheaval.”
“You want us to lie?” Alexander asked.
“Simon and Neal feel it is the best course of action, to preserve peace in the towns. They cannot doubt our ability to protect them, or they will turn on us.”
“I’m not sure I’m comfortable with lying…”
“You won’t have to. Just lead a patrol and come back. Neal will handle the public announcements. We just wanted you to know what was happening.”
“Is that all you wanted to talk to me about? That could have waited till later.” Alexander said, stifling a yawn. “No offence, Ethan, but I’m exhausted.”
“I know, and I apologize for waking you. However, I felt now was the best time to discuss something else, as everyone else is still asleep.” Ethan’s voice quieted to a whisper as he leaned closer to Alex. “I am not sure that our companions are entirely trustworthy.”
Alex felt his heart race. “What do you mean? That you suspect one of them is the killer?”
“Perhaps.” Ethan shrugged. “I think that Neal, Jay and Evan and yourself were too quick to the scene to be suspects. I heard that there was a great deal of blood, and that would be difficult to clean up, and still run to the scene of the crime with everyone else. No, they aren’t suspects. But perhaps they had something to do with it. Somehow the killer got into the fortress.”
“I was planning on interviewing the soldiers.” Alex told him.
“Be subtle. Don’t give away why you’re asking, or details about the crime. But there is something else that disturbs me more. My investigation showed that some of Daniel’s closest men knew that he was kidnapping and murdering women. They are dangerous, and should be removed from duty in the Citadel, if not released from service altogether. More importantly, he was paying them and living quite well himself, indicating that somehow he has another source of income.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Alex said, puzzled.
“I’m only beginning to uncover details, but I think there may be an elaborate smuggling operation occurring. You yourself have seen the plight of the villages on your patrols, and yet things here in the Citadel are opulent. Something more is going on, and I don’t think Daniel was behind it all himself. I’m investigating Owen’s murder as well, and I think he may have been involved.”
“Owen was Neal’s best friend, that’s crazy. How could we not have noticed something like that going on right under our noses?” Alex said.
“Perhaps some of us knew and hid it from the rest.” Ethan suggested.
“That’s some conspiracy theory you have there. Our best friends have been hiding kidnappings, smuggling and murders. Next you’ll tell me that aliens killed JFK while dinosaurs ate the Lindbergh baby.” Alex scoffed.
“Think about it, Alexander. Owen worked with Neal every day. Neal appointed you and Daniel to run the army. Daniel and Owen abused their authority for their own gain without us noticing. How else could it be possible?”
“Are you suggesting my own cousin is behind their behaviour?” Alex whispered, his voice tense.
“I’m not accusing him of anything. I’m just saying that, if he didn’t know about it, he certainly gave them more than enough unsupervised power to get away with it. At best Neal was negligent as our leader, at worst… He may have arranged to have them killed to hide his involvement with their crimes. You did say that he disposed of the body himself.”
Alex stood, knocking over his chair, and began pacing around the room. He fought to restrain anger, running his hands through his dishevelled hair. He was so tired, and there was so much happening so fast…
“What can we do about it?” Alexander asked finally.
“Nothing, for now.” Ethan said, looking up at him from his chair. “You go patrolling. Seek the soldiers you can trust, gain their loyalty. Be ready for things to change, while I carefully investigate. Once I have proof either way, I’ll let you know and then we can choose a course of action. I know one thing, however. If Neal is untrustworthy, I would not hesitate to follow you, Alex. Everyone respects you.”
“Thank you.” Alex said, surprised by the compliment. Neal had always assumed leadership. “I had never given it a thought…”
“Really? But you seem such a natural. I suppose living in Neal’s shadow became so normal that you just accepted it. It’s a pity, as you show so much talent for it.”
Alex bristled. “I don’t live in Neal’s shadow…” But then he paused. He remembered how Neal had always been the captain of their hockey teams, and had immediately taken charge during any circumstances that required leadership. Even on the mountain and here at the Citadel. He had hogged the spotlight with reporters, and never tried to share it.
Ethan watched Alex stop pacing and stand, thinking carefully. He waited a moment and then continued.
“I always wondered why you let him take over all the time. It’s like he trained you to accept his rule… like a lap dog, his pet. I personally have been disgusted by the way he imposes on you,” Ethan said. “You and I were always closer friends, and even in high school I felt bad about the way he’d use you to accomplish his ends. He manipulates you.”
“You’re right,” Alex said quietly, realizing the truth of Ethan’s words.
“I remember how you used to have a crush on my sister. Remember how we talked about that before we went on that ski trip? How you were going to ask her out on a date? You came to me and asked for permission, I always respected that. But Neal went home with her that summer and they started dating… He stole her from you. I was so angry… After all, you and I had always been friends, and you knew Genevieve better. He never talked to her in high school, didn’t know her at all, and yet somehow he wormed his way into her heart…”
Alex was digging his fingers into his palms, making fists that were so tense that his fingernails broke through the skin. He gritted his teeth. Ethan was calmly dissecting his innermost secrets, thoughts he himself had been hiding from the others for years. The day that Neal married Genevieve had almost broken his heart. Only going on constant patrols away from them had kept him sane. But even now he still longed to see Genevieve whenever he rode back to the Citadel. He had been greatly disappointed to hear she had already left on