Jason had heard the shrieks of pain and suffering as Reza walked through the city, killing its denizens. Through the slaughter, he began to hear the sound of breaking glass and smashing wood. As the sounds grew closer to the tower, they grew in intensity. Soon it sounded as if entire buildings were being toppled, as if some monster approached, growing in strength with every step, bringing devastation in its wake.
Jason hid like a child in his chambers, cradling his head in his hands, cringing at every cry. He began to shake when the army engaged with the killer, knowing that they stood no chance. The Reaper was coming to get him, Jason knew, and he knew that no one could stop it.
Intent on the clamour of battle, it took a moment to comprehend the silence when the tumult ended. The silence crept up on him the way night slowly creeps over the land as the sun sets and the shadows of the world lengthen. It just crawled and lurched into his chamber, a silence that was loud in its significance.
It meant that everyone else was dead.
As that thought struck him, Jason’s trembling increased by an enormous degree. He looked up from his hands like a trapped animal listening for the hunter, his eyes glazed with terror. Panicked in the extreme, the trembling became a compulsion to move, and he fled from the solitude of his rooms in a mad dash for the door. He was driven by the impulse to find someone, anyone, who was still alive in this tomb of a world.
He screamed so loud that he lost his own voice to the quiet when he found, not the living, but Death standing on his doorstep instead. Jason fell over, whimpering on the stone floor of the corridor, shaking at the feet of the dark figure looming over him.
“Why, hello there, little Jason. Aren’t you happy to see me?” Reza asked, his grin that of a shark. He reached down and gripped Jay by the neck, his hands clamping just under his jaw. He effortlessly lifted Jay until his feet dangled six inches above the floor. Jason was sobbing quietly, with tears running down his face and hocks of snot escaping his nose. He stared into Reza’s eyes and finally saw them for what they were: empty and soulless. Unable to stop himself, Jason felt his bowels cut loose.
“You’re such a child.” Reza laughed. “Let’s go see if your cousin is a real man or not. There has to be one around here somewhere.”
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May 15, 2008 at 1:56 pm
blue_fleur
The switch to “Jay” from “Jason” confused me since it is narration and not spoken dialog. Reza called him Jason. I thought that Jay was the informal name his friends called him. There are no friends there at this moment.
On another note, I really enjoyed all of your new selections for story lines. My vote would be for whichever story goes the longest. Your imagination and gift for story telling is wonderful.
May 15, 2008 at 3:35 pm
nomananisland
Throughout the narration I often switch between Jason/Jay, Alexander/Alex, and Genevieve/Eve/Evie. In part, because I like variety and am not overly fond of constant repetition. In larger part, because the narrator is usually Raphael (Ethan and Gwen’s names are always at the start of their chapters) and Raphael shares my tendency towards variety, and feels friendly with the characters, having watched them grow up.
I would be very bored if my narration was always extremely formal and consistent. I’m not really aware of any narration that stays like that. I’ve been reading Stephen King’s Dark Tower for the umpteenth time, and calls Roland Deschain by name, or “the gunslinger,” he’ll call Jake “Jake Chambers” or “Jake,” or “the boy.”
Mary Doria Russell’s “The Sparrow” (very cool sci-fi) features a priest named Emilio Sandoz. She’ll call him “Father Sandoz,” “Emilio,” “Sandoz” and “the priest” at different times in the story.
I’m sorry if it was confusing in this chapter, but I’m sure I’ve done it before.
May 15, 2008 at 4:07 pm
nomananisland
All that being said: thank you for the compliment about my writing. That was very gratifying to hear. If you want to vote for the story that will last the longest, I would break it down thusly:
Jonah Chalmers has a definite story arc and ending. It’s and Jack Porter’s story both are going to be the shortest.
Diggory’s story has the least on paper, but a finite ending also. It is perhaps the best suited to “web” writing, as it’s fairly loose. I can do the minutiae of day to day, or skip weeks at a time, or go hour by hour, depending on the needs of the story. It can be dragged out, but it will end.
The Samaritan Project is potentially almost endless, because there are so many characters and side stories. I’m considering how I’m going to set it up (it might be drastically different from the current WordPress story in my blogroll) because there’s one ongoing plot” story, plus endless side stories.
So I would suggest re-reading Diggory and Samaritan, and seeing which style is more interesting to you. Either one could last the longest.
Which is a reminder to everyone: vote at http://www.gavin7w.blogspot.com for your favourite of my new stories, to determine which one I start working on in June.
And links for donations are also available, to those of you interested in supporting my work.
And on this page, near the top, there’s a Lulu button for buying a paperback edition of “No Man an Island” if anyone is interested.
May 15, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Allan T Michaels
Hey Gavin,
If you were to do Samaritan, would you be open to “fan fiction” type collaboration, a la Star Harbor Nights? Obviously, nothing in the “main” story, but maybe fleshing out side characters or adding new stories in the same setting?
May 15, 2008 at 4:45 pm
nomananisland
I think that would be a great way to develop a community around the story-world, and give fans extra motivation to get involved.
Personally, I’d love to collaborate with other writers I respect. Sonja, Sarah Suleski, you, AE (like, I can dream, right?) are a short list. Mei Lin Miranda is doing some interesting work, but more adult-oriented than I would want to be.
(By the way, your new Empire story is really good! The pacing seems way better than Superstition, as much as I like Dashiell.)
May 15, 2008 at 8:20 pm
sonjanitschke
Hey,
I was surfing my most favorite site ever, Flogging the Quill, and found this and thought you might like to take a gander at it.
The only reason I link it is because it used to be a common complaint of No Man an Island and I found it helpful for myself as well.
May 15, 2008 at 9:19 pm
nomananisland
Thanks to you and other readers I think there have been major improvements. I like this post, and probably still have some chapters that need improving. But there’s some things I want to think about here.
May 15, 2008 at 10:26 pm
sonjanitschke
Yes, there have been major improvements — I hadn’t meant to imply otherwise, or that there was a problem with this specific chapter.
I was just serfing on the web, found the post, found it helpful myself, and thought of you.
=)
May 15, 2008 at 11:55 pm
nomananisland
I’m not complaining! I was trying to give you and other helpful readers credit, you have all helped make me a better writer. Thank you for pointing me towards a new resource.
I mean that I meant that there’s still room for improvement, as I’m constantly striving to better myself. And, I want to think about what he’s written, because to a certain extent I agree, and to another extent I don’t. I think some of the following will one day be in a much more thought out rant, these are mostly random thoughts:
For example: adverbs can come in handy. “he stabbed the man furiously” is certainly different from “He stabbed the man slowly” or “He stabbed the man lazily.” And I think “furiously” is more interesting than “again and again” because that could certainly still be slow or lazy. The English language developed modifiers for a reason, to improve communication and precision of meaning. Ignoring adverbs and then adjectives, because they are closely linked, plain silly.
The trick with anything in writing, whether dialogue, description, telling, showing, adverbs, action, or adjectives, is to use what best suits the story and best creates a worthwhile experience for the reader.
Case in point: only writers complain about “telling,” especially when it’s one sentence amidst a page of showing. Readers will only notice when it’s too much. It’s something learned in workshops and creative writing classes, it’s not something common to historical story-telling.
Everything is about balance.